dear uncle,

its been hard to come to terms that i'll never see you again, in person. i've taken it from granted that u'll always be here. but now that you're gone, it just feels like. a great loss. its as something thats always been a part of me has been wrenched away. its gone. forever. its never ever coming back.

its always been great. its like. you live so near. if theres a problem, we could just seek you for help and being nice, you would try to the best of your ability to help us. life was great then. i used to go to your hosue to play with the dog when i was a small kid, play on your swings, occasionally taking walks with you... and many more activities. you treated me exactly like the son you never had.

suddenly, as i grew older, we really drifted. i became closer to my friends and further away from family. i barely even saw you. and then, last year, u suddenly got cancer. usually i thought of u as a strong person. despite you age, u still looked very young. however, u survived the cancer for awhile, so i did not think much of it. i acted as if nothing had happened. i lived in self-delusion.

then, it got more and more serious. suddenly, u were bed ridden and needed help to walk. you started losing all your hair. there was a tube sticking out of you all the time. however, despite the predicament you were in, u still thought of others.

"how is school this year?"

yes, it shows how caring u are. u even cared about something so frivalous of how i was at school even though u were in such a condition.

suddenly, i had to help to bring u for checkups. you couldn't even get off the bed yourself - i had to help you support your weight. i had to push your wheel chair. however, as u usually such a strong person, i still did not think much of it. i didn't even bother and somehow, my mind was burying itself in other problems.

then last week, there was the news that you were ailing. u had to be admitted in hospital. u could not even stay at your own house anymore.

then even more sudden, i heard the news that you have only a few hours to live...on my birthday. it hit me like a bomb. i went to hospital to see you, and already, your condition was critical. u could not even breathe properly, u were gasping for air. u were so thin. your eyes could not even shut itself, it was stuck half open. u were braindead. that was the last time i saw u ... alive.

when i saw you today, in the wooden casket. i could only see your face through the glass panel. i realised that i'll never ever see your face agian. as i stared at your face, saw every single feature of the face that i've come to know so well. i'll always remember it. in my heart. even though i can't attend the funeral tomorrow and won't see your face anymore, i'll alwyas remember it. forever. i'll always, always remember you.

there were many arguments about the type of funeral u would have. there was a big argument that his parents were taoist or sth. however, im glad that one thing happened. u accepted christ. even though u missed out on the whole life of getting to know him better, i know you probably are saved. cause as long as u believe, and repent, through grace u will be saved. knowing how honest u are, im sure u actually truly believe. at least you decided to accept jesus as saviour before you die.

so goodbye uncle. one day, i'll see you in heaven (i hope). one day. i'll see you again. and we'll all be happy. there would not be any illness anymore. there won't be anything to give us problems. i'll see you. one day.

love,
John

its my birthday. its 1 year closer to death.

well, this year, i've decided i shall not feel anything. i shall harden my heart. that way, i don't feel any pain. but i just can't get rid of one feeling. i squeezed out everything else and it got stuck there. i want to get rid of it, but i can't =.= now i want the rest back, but i can't. oh well, i guess i just can't feel happy anymore.

then i had an arguement with a (friend?) over something. oh so u don't hate everyone eh. well, u have no idea how i was treated first =.= and i have my own reasons for things. u think what =.= i do it for fun arh =.= and for some reason, i want to, but i just cant get angry =.= im like. diaoz. lame.

now i know why i like sch friends the best. they don't piss u off. they always support u. when u tell them stuff they always support u. when they tell u stuff u naturally want to support them too. they are the funniest. they don't get bored of u. u can tell them anything and they'll be interested.

thus, i decided i shall have a hall of fame for current good friends who don't hate me:
1. Jinjie
2. Timlee
3. Jenwei
4. Gerald
5. Shengyung
6. Ryan Koh
7. Lawrence
8. Jerald

THOSE are probably people who don't secretly hate me. YAY ALL OF U!

girls are all unfeeling and mean. HIGH FIVE LAWRENCE HAHA

whoa, the moodswing. hAHAHAHA

YOU ARE MY BROTHER
MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER
SINGING THE SONGS
THE MUSIC THAT U LOVE
WE'RE BROTHERS TILL THE END OF TIME
TOGETHER OR NOT
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY HEART
YOU HURT YOUR FEELINGS
YOU'LL BE RAINING ON MINE

HAHAH AMERICAN IDOL BIRDGUY

u know what the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life so far. putting me in 2.3 Gad.

u know the worst thing. being born.

why couldn't joses cross the road?

He was too lame (yes theres 2 meanings)

ohmy thats so lame.

jin why did u come up with it

my uncle died and i don't even feel sad =.=

i don't know how many times i've typed =.=

i want my feelings back.

DONT ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS POST WHEN U TAG. its just random and weird.

back from oep. well, i came back very sick. with stomach flu. stupid dirty china food and water. up till today im still not entirely well lah =.= i even missed church yesterday. i NEVER EVER miss church lah. bleah. its the first time im sick since sec 1. secondly, im quite lovesick. i actually havent seen her before oep.

oep was quite boring. the bus rides were damn long. and for some reason, everyone felt cold =.= come on, its not cold at all. how can i wear 2 layers while u wear 4, and u all still complain its cold? during bus rides, i alwyas got damn bored. i survived on listening to the very little songs i have in my phone (for some reason, most of them were mika?!). only the windows were cool. can write stuff with your finger on the condensation. haha and the pandas were cute!

on the last day, lawrence was a SILLYBILLY. haha! he was like. looking for a bag to buy for mf. then matthew choo heard about it and said "u shud go to converse! theres a big discount!" then lawrence, who apprently saw a shop that sold bags for 18yuan each, (in singdollars, 5 yuan = $1), said: "NO ITS TOO EXPENSIVE!"

then lawrence suddenly ran off. so i started chasing him. then suddenly joseph who was like. 200m caught up. so i stopped for joseph cause he was tired. but lawrence was not considerate and continued running off =.= so me and joseph had to look around for him. luckily, lawrence saw my red jacket and called to us haha. then at the shop, all the bags were damn ugly =.=

so after that, he went to nike and saw that all the bags were too sporty. same in addidas. then in the end, we went to converse where lawrence finally found what he wanted.

SEE LAH LAWRENCE U MAKE ME RUN IN CIRCLES U NOOB

my tour guide was called cheese. oO. ya as in food. HAHAHAHAH

my class is very boring haha! well. so far it is

1. the teachers are damn boring. seriously.
2. the teachers are never late? so theres like no time between lessons
3. during lesson, everyone pays attention! I CANT STAND THAT I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO
4. for some reason or another, i just can't fall asleep.

well, nowadays, unlike last year, sch is like a prison. in 2.3, it had like. almost all the friends i want in the class lah. it was damn fun. now its like. i dunno. i just find it hard to make friends in this class. sighhh! even though its like. full of express ppl. yea.

oep is like. this friday. i don't feel like going for oep lah. its like. im stuck with a class i don't even like in china =.= and the weird thing is that the other 2 classes who are actually also going to chengdu and lijiang, theres ppl who are my good friends. its unfair!

now i seem to like. want to go to acjc. cause it seems more fun. and also cause. umm. ____ will probably be there. i really want to go to acjc. but i seem to be stuck in one of the best schools in the world?! sighh so confusing =/. is it possible to go to jc after taking ib in year 4?! i've like. heard of it but. i dunno lah.

other than that, i think i shrunk 1 cm again this year. its ridiculous! in sec 1 , i think i was 173cm. then last year i was 172cm? now im 171cm? WHAT NONSENSE WHAT RUBBISH IS THIS! IM TOO YOUNG TO SHRINK DAMNIT! i don't even drink that much coffee nowadays lah. (but then again, its good that im shrinking xD)

2morow theres sch agian. i really don't want to go back.

thats damn pissing off =.= everytime this year i've been pissed off by that someway or another =.=.

okay nvm! well, i don't really like my class =/. not at all sighhh

firstly, its freaking far away. its like. the exactly LAST CLASS POSSIBLE at the extreme end of the level. walaooo.

then the next thing, the ppl are like. too. uhh. studious?! my goodness. at least theres quite a few express ppl xD. like bchen and nickhong and asher and damien and matthew choo. but the rest of the class, is like ???

well, i can't tell yet anyway. i've been on psl duty most of the time. aha.

being a psl is fun! it DAMN FUN (: haha. u like. chase the sec ones around. and help them cheat in quizzes and such.

my class rocked! its like. during the treasure hunt, me and tim were makign them run around. cause were were coperate shirt. so i always ran infront and the rest ran behind. it was like. "FOLLOW THE YELLOW SHIRT!" hahaha! then tim was like. at the back pushing everyone. then we set the sch record for speed ((: cause me and tim did not give them hints!

then at the abseilling part. haahah damn easy hahaha. i wonder how any sec one can get scared of THAT. so easy laah.

quote of the day!

(someone i can't remember): HAH JENWEI! im allowed to like your cousin! and you're not!
Jenwei: ...